What it Feels Like to Get Fired

Original Post: What it Feels Like to Get Fired:

"Today I got fired from my summer internship. Okay, so that’s a lie. I wasn’t fired. It was the last day of my internship, and I wasn’t offered a full-time job after graduation—which feels like getting fired when it was “my offer to lose.” I think I said that I was fired so I could feel like Heather Armstrong, a now-famous blogger who got fired for blogging about work. Alas, I didn’t get fired for writing about work—although that is definitely not okay—at least not while you are still working there. I got fired for a lot of other things—like being late to meetings a lot, not listening well, and being “too aggressive.”

When responding to the feedback I received, my voice shook like I would cry, but I didn’t, and I’m proud of that. Still haven’t cried. Don’t plan on it.

I’ve never been fired actually. I’ve come quite close several times. When I worked at the movie theater and grocery store in high school, my till would come up missing hundreds of dollars sometimes. My bosses repeatedly asserted that they would have fired anyone else, but they were all sure that sweet, zany Kaneisha had not stolen money from the register only to then diligently show up to work four times a week after school. I surely hadn’t stolen the money. I can just be very absent-minded at times. My customers were probably yelling, “Look!” and then pulling money out of the register when I turned my head to see what was so exciting. The managers at the movie theater and grocery store hired me, but in the end, it wasn’t a good fit.

And neither was this internship. When receiving my feedback, some of the things were spot-on, but others caught me completely by surprise. In my head as I read my feedback: “People cared about what I was doing and wanted to be included? They wanted to see my spreadsheets?! I didn’t even want to see my spreadsheets!” But then again, that’s part of why I was fired. You’ve got to take the whole job—not just the parts that you like.

Getting fired feels like getting broken up with. More than anything, you just want to hear that they really did care for you, that there really had been something special there at some point. It just didn’t work out. You’re a lovely person with a lot to offer—just not to offer this particular person breaking up with you.

Just like when getting broken up with, I eloquently expressed my thoughts and feelings to the other party, and ended the interaction as amicably as I imagined it could be. Then I promptly vented to my girl friends, my beau, my Grandma, and sought refuge in a self-help book (This time it was Think and Grow Rich). Yep, that’s the usual routine after a break-up. Or when I get fired.

Looks like it’s time to find a new relationship aka job. 10 months and counting until I graduate. I’ve decided my ultimate goal is to work for myself. Does that make me a career spinster?